The Couple After Birth: Take Time For Yourself

When a baby arrives home, we spend less time with the couple. Find out how you can adapt to your new family situation.

Despite the happiness that you feel since the arrival of your baby, it is imperative that you take care of your couple, so that he does not feel this new little life that has just interfered between you. We offer you some tips to maintain a healthy and whole couple life, while enjoying your baby.

Baby’s arrival and management in the couple

The arrival of a baby should not mean a break-up, but rather an adjustment of family life and activities. It is important that parents try to maintain, as much as possible, their habits, as well as the social and friendly relationships they had before birth. They must not forget that in addition to being parents, they are two individuals with their needs and who together form a couple, who also has their own requirements.

During the baby’s first six months, free time is very limited, so it should be optimized by taking advantage, for example, of the child sleeping to talk and relax a little. A few minutes a day are sufficient. A simple gesture can be used to maintain the couple’s habits.

However, sometimes there is a lack of time to hide other problems: difficulty understanding, reduced sexual activity during pregnancy and after childbirth, tension and bad mood, consequences of fatigue and changes in the organization of family life, etc. All of this can have negative effects on the couple. It is necessary to determine what exactly is the problem and find the solution.

To assess the situation, the couple must ask themselves certain questions. The goal is to know if, absorbed by their new responsibilities, the partners have neglected the “we two”.

Small gestures of affection in the couple

It is not necessary to have an entire night to show affection and attention to your partner. All it takes is a hug, a kiss on waking, a smile, a caress on the fly, an unexpected compliment … Simply a small gesture that has special meaning for both.

These are small attentions which do not take time, but which are used to maintain the relation. During the baby’s first months, it’s important to think about the couple, to keep them together, and to remember that their needs are still real, they’ve just been temporarily set aside. Over the months, caring for the child will be less tiring, the family will find a new balance and the parents will gradually reclaim their space.

In the meantime, it’s a matter of trying to keep the little daily rituals that are part of the life of all couples, and mark their continuity: having a coffee together, commenting on a newspaper article … These gestures can seem trivial and not essential, but they are actually essential to the well-being of the relationship.

Do you have seXx after baby arrives?

Due to various complications, some couples are forced to give up having sex during pregnancy. Others do it by choice. In addition, after birth, the mother needs time to recover from childbirth. Once past the return of diapers, privacy should resume. However, there are often a thousand excuses: fatigue, lack of time, fear of waking the sleeping child in his crib next to the parents’ bed or in the next room. These are often only excuses to hide other difficulties: the doubts that assail you after such a long break, the fear of the woman not to be in good shape, the discomfort resulting from the episiotomy or cesarean section, lack of lubrication, and even fear of the man that his partner is not physically ready.

SeXx after childbirth

The resumption of sexual relations allows you to reconnect with the life of a couple and not to be recognized only as parents whose only concern is limited to the care of the baby, who would risk, in this case, to pose as an intermediary in your relationship

Is there a bond between you and a desire to share emotions? Did you have common passions before the baby arrived? Do you show an interest in the other’s occupations or work?

Now your roles are more defined: one of them (usually the mom) takes care of the baby full-time, while the other continues to work away from home, socializing. How are you experiencing this change? Do you continue to have an interest in your respective roles? Do you share your emotions, your frustrations, your desires? In summary, do you feel supported or rather isolated, each in your corner?

Dad after childbirth

In the first months, the baby has an exclusive relationship with his mother, very different from any other person, including the father. The mother is the child’s reference figure. The process of attachment to the mother is important for the development and well-being of the baby, and it is good to respect and adapt to it, provided that it does not create a deep gap between the two parents nor such a close relationship between mother and child that the father feels excluded and nourishes feelings of jealousy or separation from the family nucleus.

Involving the father in the daily care of the baby from the first days of life, making him participate, allows the couple to share the emotions and efforts to better understand and appreciate each other. It also helps to avoid negative moods and reproaches that could lead to misunderstanding and isolation.

Leave baby with grandparents or nanny

When the parents feel ready and the baby is a little bigger, it is time to entrust it to the grandparents or to a nanny, in order to reclaim time. The choice of the person to whom the child will be entrusted must be considered: this person must have the full confidence of the mother and father and, if possible, have a relationship of familiarity with the child. Despite all the care and last minute recommendations, the couple’s first two outings are often marked by anxiety. It is understandable that parents feel a little guilty for leaving their baby with someone else, but this is an unwarranted feeling that should be ignored. If they tried during the first months to provide for the needs of the child, to favor his attachment, to transmit him a certain security, they can now profit from the result of their “investments” and entrust without fear their baby to a third for a few hours. Parents have the right to take advantage of their freedom and these moments, to find space and time exclusively for them, both individually and as a couple.

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